Whatever happened to american romance? All the sweet gestures and little looks seem to have been sucessfully contained in movies and books, leaving none for the present time. Everywhere I go in this highschool land, I see ass grabbing and girls smushed against lockers with a guy's tongue rammed down their throat. What happened to love and winning a girl's heart? Lust abounds in this new, "evolved" world. People thrive off violence and hard passion. I'm all for passion, but where's the sweet, gentle love I was lead to believe (again, by movies and books) exists? Don't girls still want to be swept off their feet? Or is that just me? Why are some people satisfied with sex? Why can't I be one of those people? I don't know what it is I want. But I do know I want something deeper, something more meaningful than just sex. This world does not exactly engender the soft emotion I'm looking for. Lust has become king and all hail. It's depressing, really.
I went to UMass Lowell today. Small campus, but not bad for a second choice school. It was an hour drive there. Mother talked about how I'm 'feeling.' *shudder, shudder* She wanted to know why I'm so unhappy in life. Oddly enough, I was honest. I told her that people disgust me and explained in detail why they do. I articulated on highschool. I told her that I am not recieving an education, I am being herded through crowded corridors to sit in uncomfortable chairs and plaster an intelligent smile on my face to ultimitely regurgitate facts upon a test page. Talk went on for about 15 minutes. Then she shifted to birth control and I told her that while most intelligent people practice contraception, the dullards do not. The end result will be the dumbing down of the nation (cheery, aren't I?). She decided this was the time to say that I should go to her for The Pill if I ever think about becoming sexually active. Talking with one's mother about sex is a very painful experience- joy.
I went over Amanda's house and watched a movie about russian water tentacles after dinner. And now, I'm sitting here wearing a hardening facial mask and typing. How interesting my life is. =) I go.

Okay. Now I know I'm getting pathetic. I've started looking at every guy who shows an interest in me as a potential date. I must stop that. I only beat myself up when I realize I'm doing it. It just kind of sneaks up on me. I just have to cease with the unconscious flirting and keep my nice teenage raging hormones in check. I hate being here and I hate being a teen. I'm in a class of idiots, cretins and sluts. This disgusts me. I have to go. Mom needs the phone.

I didn't pay much attention to physiology, but is a person supposed to feel icky for an entire weekend, continuing on monday? There seems to be something wrong. Nausea is NOT fun. Let this suffice as the reason I have not written in a few days.